Well! Feels like forever since I have posted!
Life has been absolutely crazy! The last time I posted, I stated that I was hoping it was going to be my last trip to Omaha, well that was a no go. I had 2 more visits after that totaling 13 ultrasounds! Oofta, that is a lot! But oh so worth it! I have been asked numerous times what exactly they were looking for on the ultrasounds, well they were watching my ovaries and measuring my dominant follicle all the way through ovulation. They wanted to be sure that the follicle was growing appropriately and also that ovulation was occurring... and it was! Yay!
So that is one awesome piece of news that we needed to hear! Next up, Progesterone!
I had talked in another post regarding my progesterone levels and how they were so incredibly low. Well we have started taking compounded progesterone supplementation on days P+3 through P+12 with a lab draw on P+7 to check my levels. I know that all this talk about P+whatever is confusing for those of you that don't do Creighton Charting, but basically P stands for your last day of Fertile Mucus. This is known as your Peak Day. The numbers after that stand for exactly that, the number of days following your Peak Day. These are the days that your progesterone should be highest before falling and your wonderful Aunt Flo rears her ugly head again. Before starting this supplementation, my progesterone at P+7 was 11.9, normal is 15.7, but for fertility they would like to see it much higher than that. I would like to proudly say my level at P+7 during my last cycle was 31.3! YAHOO!!! That is so extremely exciting in itself, BUT there is more! Prior to my surgery and progesterone, I ALWAYS had horrible PMS symptoms. I discussed these in previous posts, but a run down would be consipation, bloating, cramping, migraine headaches, acne, mood swings... 10 fold. Since the surgery and the progesterone I now have ZERO... did you see that? Nil, none, zilch, zip... NOT A SINGLE PMS SYMPTOM! Oh, and my 5 days of premenstrual spotting is also completely gone!
Seriously, I can't even describe to you how amazing this is for me and my husband
(mood swings remember!).
So that is one awesome piece of news that we needed to hear! Next up, Progesterone!
I had talked in another post regarding my progesterone levels and how they were so incredibly low. Well we have started taking compounded progesterone supplementation on days P+3 through P+12 with a lab draw on P+7 to check my levels. I know that all this talk about P+whatever is confusing for those of you that don't do Creighton Charting, but basically P stands for your last day of Fertile Mucus. This is known as your Peak Day. The numbers after that stand for exactly that, the number of days following your Peak Day. These are the days that your progesterone should be highest before falling and your wonderful Aunt Flo rears her ugly head again. Before starting this supplementation, my progesterone at P+7 was 11.9, normal is 15.7, but for fertility they would like to see it much higher than that. I would like to proudly say my level at P+7 during my last cycle was 31.3! YAHOO!!! That is so extremely exciting in itself, BUT there is more! Prior to my surgery and progesterone, I ALWAYS had horrible PMS symptoms. I discussed these in previous posts, but a run down would be consipation, bloating, cramping, migraine headaches, acne, mood swings... 10 fold. Since the surgery and the progesterone I now have ZERO... did you see that? Nil, none, zilch, zip... NOT A SINGLE PMS SYMPTOM! Oh, and my 5 days of premenstrual spotting is also completely gone!
Seriously, I can't even describe to you how amazing this is for me and my husband
(mood swings remember!).
The next hurdle we had to jump was the 21 days of antibiotics for both of us. Any of you that know me, I am not one to take antibiotics, especially not for 21 days, holy moly! But we did it, 500mg a day turns out to be quite the diet plan if you are trying to lose weight in non-fun ways! ;)
We finished those about 2.5 weeks ago. Another AMAZING update after this is that my 5-6 days of tail end brown bleeding (this is brown spotting following your period, and no it is NOT NORMAL!) has STOPPED! Now, I am no mathematician, but between the progesterone and the antibiotic, the bleeding portion of my cycle has shortened by about 10-12 days! What the What?! I can not even describe to you how wonderful that is. Anyone that has horrible PMS symptoms and long bleeding cycles understands how much life that takes away from you! I seriously feel like a new woman! I am currently still having a lot of cramping and heavy bleeding with my period, and to this my doctor believes it is due to inflammatory foods in my diet. I will be honest, I have been working very hard on eliminating inflammatory foods from my diet, but the holidays are HARD MAN!! Another reason to look forward to 2017! I WILL DO THIS! I mean, I know how much dairy and wheat make me feel like total poo, but man those Christmas Cookies are tasty! Ugh!
One of the worst parts about all of this is that you have to wait until you get your period to determine if the treatments are working or not. When you want to get pregnant and have a baby, waiting and wanting your period is the last thing you want to have to do. But more patience is being learned by this girl than anything else! I recently have started on the T3 supplementation for the Thyroid System Dysfunction and am working on being patient until we can get the dosage correct! I have been taking it for a little over a week and have no change in temperatures or symptoms. The next step will be to likely up my dosage, but we shall see what the doctor wants to do!
Patience... that is a word that keeps coming up in all things in my life. Patience in my health, patience in my job, patience in our fertility, and the biggest is patience in dealing with how others are reacting to our fertility. I know that sounds like something that has nothing to do with me, but it does. The holidays are tough all around, but something that makes is harder for people going through infertility are all the "baby's first christmas" ornaments, the "when are YOU going to finally have kids" question, the "practice makes perfect" comments.... All of those things are really tough for someone who wants nothing more than to have a positive test and a fun way to tell their family that their new bundle is on the way, but time after time it just isn't in their cards. I understand both sides, I have been on both sides. I NEVER expected to be in this position of regretting because now I understand, we have all said things that we later regret, even though at the time we honestly meant no ill will. You know what, it is ok! I know, I know, "how dare they say those things, they don't have any idea what we have gone through!" You are right, but you are also right! They don't know what you are going through. Infertility has such a stigma around it that it isn't talked about. Infertility, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancies, trying yourself to tears... all those things are happening to you, me, your sister, your daughter, your aunt, your friend, your cousin... But often we don't even know it! Why? Shame? Society? Stigma? Fear? Guilt? All of the above?
Am I ashamed that I haven't been able to have my own child yet? Yes. Am I ashamed that my body couldn't keep my growing baby? Absolutely. Am I afraid of getting pregnant again in fear of losing the baby again? Of course, BUT I also can't blame anyone for asking questions when for many of us, the topic comes up about having kids and we awkwardly blow it off as though we aren't trying or wanting kids in hopes that that will stop the converstation. I have found that for MOST, now there are always those people that are missing that empathy gene, but again for most people if you explain that you would love to be able to have children but you are working through infertility, they will either understand themselves, know another family member in your shoes, or at least understand that it is not in your control. Now, that doesn't mean that the questions don't hurt, or that people shouldn't be a little more considerate, we all know that they should be, but we don't have control of that. When you stop allowing the Infertility diagnosis BE you, you start to regain strength and feel more in control. I know that everyone is different and deals with their pain in different ways, but I honestly have found that being open with people has made me a happier and stronger person. I have learned to have patience with the fact that people just don't think before they speak, including myself sometimes. That is NOT including those people that just choose to be buttheads and continually say things they know better than to say... to those I like to say "Bless and Release". If they don't care enough to listen and have empathy towards you, they really shouldn't matter in the first place. Sorry to be blunt, but it is true. Bless and release those people, those comments, that fear, that anger, that shame... all of it.
I truly am more excited for this coming year than I have ever been in the past. I am just ready to leave 2016 and my grief, sadness, disappointment, frustration, and self loathing behind! Onward and upwards. To whatever 2017 has in store for me, for us, I am ready. I have finally come to a point that I feel I am able to think much more clearly about this whole entire process. I feel that we have taken the path that we had the most faith in and fit into our belief system. Whatever happens after this is where we are meant to be. I pray daily that my husband and I will be blessed to become parents, however that is meant to happen for us. But I also know that if that is not meant for us, we are going to be ok. We are leaving 2016 with the strongest relationship we have had since meeting in 2008. I can't imagine any other person I would rather spend my good and bad days with. He completes my life and makes me the best version of myself that I could be. I am truly happy with my life, even in light of where this journey has taken us! I won't give up on this journey, but like I have said before, there are always twists and turns in the path.
Which way will 2017 take us? I am not sure, but I am optimistic that it will be OUR YEAR!
I think it is a sign that these are the words to our First Dance Song from our Wedding...
"This Will Be Our Year"
(Foo Fighters originally by The Zombies)
The warmth of your love's
Like the warmth from the sun
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come
Don't let go of my hand
Now darkness has gone
This will be our year
Took a long time to come
I won't forget
The way you helped me
Up when I was down
And I won't forget
The way you said
Darling I love you
You gave me faith to go on
Now we're there
And we've only just begun
This will be our year
Took a long time to come
The warmth of your smile
Smile for me little one
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come
You don't have to worry
All your worried days are gone
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come
And I won't forget
The way you helped me
Up when I was down
And I won't forget
The way you said
Darling I love you
You gave me faith to go on
Now we're there
And we've only just begun
This will be our year
Took a long time to come
And we've only just begun
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come
I hope that 2017 will be your year as well, in all things.
Blessings,
Melissa
We finished those about 2.5 weeks ago. Another AMAZING update after this is that my 5-6 days of tail end brown bleeding (this is brown spotting following your period, and no it is NOT NORMAL!) has STOPPED! Now, I am no mathematician, but between the progesterone and the antibiotic, the bleeding portion of my cycle has shortened by about 10-12 days! What the What?! I can not even describe to you how wonderful that is. Anyone that has horrible PMS symptoms and long bleeding cycles understands how much life that takes away from you! I seriously feel like a new woman! I am currently still having a lot of cramping and heavy bleeding with my period, and to this my doctor believes it is due to inflammatory foods in my diet. I will be honest, I have been working very hard on eliminating inflammatory foods from my diet, but the holidays are HARD MAN!! Another reason to look forward to 2017! I WILL DO THIS! I mean, I know how much dairy and wheat make me feel like total poo, but man those Christmas Cookies are tasty! Ugh!
One of the worst parts about all of this is that you have to wait until you get your period to determine if the treatments are working or not. When you want to get pregnant and have a baby, waiting and wanting your period is the last thing you want to have to do. But more patience is being learned by this girl than anything else! I recently have started on the T3 supplementation for the Thyroid System Dysfunction and am working on being patient until we can get the dosage correct! I have been taking it for a little over a week and have no change in temperatures or symptoms. The next step will be to likely up my dosage, but we shall see what the doctor wants to do!
Patience... that is a word that keeps coming up in all things in my life. Patience in my health, patience in my job, patience in our fertility, and the biggest is patience in dealing with how others are reacting to our fertility. I know that sounds like something that has nothing to do with me, but it does. The holidays are tough all around, but something that makes is harder for people going through infertility are all the "baby's first christmas" ornaments, the "when are YOU going to finally have kids" question, the "practice makes perfect" comments.... All of those things are really tough for someone who wants nothing more than to have a positive test and a fun way to tell their family that their new bundle is on the way, but time after time it just isn't in their cards. I understand both sides, I have been on both sides. I NEVER expected to be in this position of regretting because now I understand, we have all said things that we later regret, even though at the time we honestly meant no ill will. You know what, it is ok! I know, I know, "how dare they say those things, they don't have any idea what we have gone through!" You are right, but you are also right! They don't know what you are going through. Infertility has such a stigma around it that it isn't talked about. Infertility, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancies, trying yourself to tears... all those things are happening to you, me, your sister, your daughter, your aunt, your friend, your cousin... But often we don't even know it! Why? Shame? Society? Stigma? Fear? Guilt? All of the above?
Am I ashamed that I haven't been able to have my own child yet? Yes. Am I ashamed that my body couldn't keep my growing baby? Absolutely. Am I afraid of getting pregnant again in fear of losing the baby again? Of course, BUT I also can't blame anyone for asking questions when for many of us, the topic comes up about having kids and we awkwardly blow it off as though we aren't trying or wanting kids in hopes that that will stop the converstation. I have found that for MOST, now there are always those people that are missing that empathy gene, but again for most people if you explain that you would love to be able to have children but you are working through infertility, they will either understand themselves, know another family member in your shoes, or at least understand that it is not in your control. Now, that doesn't mean that the questions don't hurt, or that people shouldn't be a little more considerate, we all know that they should be, but we don't have control of that. When you stop allowing the Infertility diagnosis BE you, you start to regain strength and feel more in control. I know that everyone is different and deals with their pain in different ways, but I honestly have found that being open with people has made me a happier and stronger person. I have learned to have patience with the fact that people just don't think before they speak, including myself sometimes. That is NOT including those people that just choose to be buttheads and continually say things they know better than to say... to those I like to say "Bless and Release". If they don't care enough to listen and have empathy towards you, they really shouldn't matter in the first place. Sorry to be blunt, but it is true. Bless and release those people, those comments, that fear, that anger, that shame... all of it.
I truly am more excited for this coming year than I have ever been in the past. I am just ready to leave 2016 and my grief, sadness, disappointment, frustration, and self loathing behind! Onward and upwards. To whatever 2017 has in store for me, for us, I am ready. I have finally come to a point that I feel I am able to think much more clearly about this whole entire process. I feel that we have taken the path that we had the most faith in and fit into our belief system. Whatever happens after this is where we are meant to be. I pray daily that my husband and I will be blessed to become parents, however that is meant to happen for us. But I also know that if that is not meant for us, we are going to be ok. We are leaving 2016 with the strongest relationship we have had since meeting in 2008. I can't imagine any other person I would rather spend my good and bad days with. He completes my life and makes me the best version of myself that I could be. I am truly happy with my life, even in light of where this journey has taken us! I won't give up on this journey, but like I have said before, there are always twists and turns in the path.
Which way will 2017 take us? I am not sure, but I am optimistic that it will be OUR YEAR!
I think it is a sign that these are the words to our First Dance Song from our Wedding...
"This Will Be Our Year"
(Foo Fighters originally by The Zombies)
The warmth of your love's
Like the warmth from the sun
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come
Don't let go of my hand
Now darkness has gone
This will be our year
Took a long time to come
I won't forget
The way you helped me
Up when I was down
And I won't forget
The way you said
Darling I love you
You gave me faith to go on
Now we're there
And we've only just begun
This will be our year
Took a long time to come
The warmth of your smile
Smile for me little one
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come
You don't have to worry
All your worried days are gone
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come
And I won't forget
The way you helped me
Up when I was down
And I won't forget
The way you said
Darling I love you
You gave me faith to go on
Now we're there
And we've only just begun
This will be our year
Took a long time to come
And we've only just begun
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come
I hope that 2017 will be your year as well, in all things.
Blessings,
Melissa
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