Our Journey... Part 12, An unexpected birth story... but a perfect ending.

I told you that the next time I would be posting, I would hopefully be announcing 

our little one's arrival... Well she is HERE!!

Meet Willa Kay Rupp!

Born 9/18/2017

7lbs 15oz

20.5 inches long

I have had a lot of questions regarding Miss Willa's birth story, 

so for those of you that want the details... here ya go!

As the title of this post suggests, Miss Willa had her own plans about how she wanted to make her arrival that she forgot to mention to her mama beforehand!

On Sunday, 9/17/17, daddy arrived home from working over the road for 2 weeks.  

We were 39 weeks and I just prayed everyday that our peanut would wait to arrive

until he was home, thank goodness she was on board with that request!  Before going to bed

I had noticed what the medical world would call a "bloody show" needless, to say it 

wasn't anything spectacular and I honestly didn't think much of it.  I informed the hubs, but he didn't really want to know all the "gross details" lol!  He did however rub my belly and told little miss that he was home and that she could come any time now!  :)

At 12:45 am I awoke to the sound and feeling of a pop (yes, just like in the movies...
 and like my Dr. said probably wouldn't happen to me!!),  needless to say there was sudden rush of very warm fluid and I waddled/ran to the restroom as best as I could.  Women say that they feel like they are peeing their pants, and they are completely right!  Only difference is, there is no stopping it!  A couple bath towels later, I decided that I was feeling good yet so I was just going to get some rest because this could still take quite awhile to do anything.   Now I can't remember the exact times of everything as my mind was elsewhere!!! lol!  I went back to bed and within half an hour another gush of fluid and sudden cramping.  I knew this was it!  I started keeping track of the contractions and they began at about 30 seconds long and about 5 minutes apart, but within the hour they got stronger and began to last about a minute each.  I called our Doula, Kari, and she informed me that it still could be awhile so try to get some rest.  Rest was not happening for me as the contractions were strong enough to keep me awake.  At about 4:30 she messaged me and asked for an update on where my contractions were.  At this point they were around a minute long, 3-5 minutes apart and pretty consistent.  She said it would be best that we get a move on and get to the hospital!  I woke up the hubby and told him that this was it and we needed to get moving!  I have never felt so excited and anxious about anything in my whole life!  THIS WAS IT!

We had a good 40 minute drive to the hospital and I felt every single bump on the road!
We got to Orange City and met Kari at her office so she could check back in to make sure we needed to go to the hospital.  The contractions were definitely strong, but I could manage them.  They were pretty consistent at 3ish minutes apart, so we headed to the hospital.  When we arrived, we got checked into a triage room and the nurses started an IV and locked it (I didn't want anything attached to me so that I could be as mobile as possible for my natural birth plan).  The nurse checked me and I was at a stretchy 8, but my uterus was still felt to be high... I could still feel it up under my ribcage on the left side (remember that tidbit ;) lol).  Dr. Moeller came in about an hour later and rechecked me but found me to only be at a 6-7.  Everything seemed to be moving right along and I was able to breathe through my contraction and move around the room to comfortable positions.  They continued to monitor me while I was near the bed.  Baby was doing wonderful, heartrate stayed perfect through all the contractions!  We really thought that this labor was going to go quick, but boy oh boy did little one have another plan...

One of the things that I continued to feel through the last few weeks of pregnancy and into labor was a pressure on my right pelvic bone in the front.  I had asked Dr. Moeller about it at our last appointment and she indicated that little miss's head was up high yet and putting pressure on my pelvic bone.  I started to do stretches and exercises the last few weeks to help get her to move, but they were difficult for me to do regularly due to the significant amount of acid reflux I had at the end of my pregnancy.  I had only had it here and there depending on what I would eat during the early and mid pregnancy, but towards the end it was significantly worse and nothing was helping!  During the labor I was still feeling that same pressure and due to not being able to eat much, the acid reflux would not allow me to lie down long enough to do the exercises for long.  I spent time in the whirlpool tub, on the exercise ball, using the peanut ball in bed, on the toilet (no joke that felt like the most normal position ever...), kneeling on the bed, and walking/holding onto the Hubs.

The hours seemed to just keep passing by without a lot of progression.  A couple times there were indications that transition was happening, but then it would subside.  Kari was so confused.  All the exercises we were doing that should be progressing the labor and moving baby down, just were not working.  As the afternoon rolled around, the reflux seemed to get worse and caused me to vomit everytime I had to lie down.  This did not help with the progression of labor at all.  The doctor returned numerous times to check me, and as I dilated slowly, I was also thinning.  She didn't seem too concerned as she kept stating that often times, first time moms have long labors.  BUT she did remind me that their policy is that baby MUST be born within 24 hours of my water breaking, so we had a timeline... come on baby girl!  The afternoon time ticked away and I continued to labor.  I felt pretty good, granted I couldn't have done it without the positivity that Kari brought to the room!  She was amazing, she continued to know exactly what to do to decrease the pain.  She would have John put pressure on my hips during the contractions while she used heat and compression on my tailbone.  That felt amazing!  I know now that she and John were both getting concerned about how long the labor was taking, but they never gave me any indication to worry!
Thank goodness, because I would've!

Sometime around supper, the contractions really started to pick up.  They got to the point that they were not stopping, the monitor showed they were "on top of eachother".  This was exhausting as I couldn't catch my breath and the pain was never ending.  The doctor gave me the option of an epidural as I was still only progressed to an 8, but I refused.  About a half an hour later, she returned and said that she wanted to begin pitocin in order to get the baby to move down and finish dilating.  I knew that there was no way at this point that I could handle that without the epidural.  She did allow it since I was progressing so slowly.  Thank Goodness!!!  I was shaking so horribly that I had a very hard time sitting still.  I was exhausted, I was hungry, and man I was in pain.  18 hours of active labor was more than what I could handle.   I had to reach inside myself to be ok with the epidural.  John was concerned because he knew that I didn't want it, but that it had to be bad if I was willing to go for it.  I prayed very hard for help controlling my body so that they could do the epidural, you can NOT move at all!  Prayers were answered and I was feeling relaxed almost instantly.  I slept for about 15 minutes and when I woke up, I felt refreshed, but soon I felt the urge to push!

They called the Dr. and she confirmed I was finally a 10 and completely effaced!  AMEN!!!  She said we were ready to push!  I was given instructions to push, but luckily even with the epidural I could still feel pressure and the urge to push.  The other thing I still could feel.... that pressure on my pelvis and the uterus still riding high under my ribs... Why is she not dropping!  I am pushing and nothing is happening... Dr. Moeller stopped me and said that something wasn't right, she ordered an immediate ultrasound.  Now I started to worry!  Baby was still looking good, heartrate stayed steady, she was a trooper!  When the ultrasound tech began, she immediately stated "Here's the problem... that isn't her head, that is her butt..."  WTF?!!  Are you kidding me?!  I knew immediately what that meant.  Cesarean Section... That was something I had NEVER even contemplated happening... Baby girl was nice an cozy this whole time with her butt down and head and feet up by my stomach!

I began to cry.  I was sad.  I was exhausted.  I was also afraid.
This wasn't in the plan.  But then I remembered... None of this was in the plan.  I didn't plan to need surgery, I didn't plan to have endo, I didn't plan to need hormone shots, I didn't plan any of that... Why would this be any different?!
But this is it, this is our birth story, the good the bad, all of it.
Let's do this!  I want to see my little girl!  So we did!

Miss Willa came in to this world her own way, screaming and perfect in every way!
I heard her cry immediately and couldn't hold back the tears.  I have never been so happy in my life!
John got to go be with her and cut the cord.  The nurse was able to bring her to me to see and also to get as close to skin on skin as possible.  It was perfect, in our own way.  It may not have been the way we planned, but for a change of plans, it was perfect.  Kari wasn't able to be in the OR with us, but she met John in the nursery while I was in recovery and when she met me there she helped me get one of the things I wanted to badly... to be allowed to nurse as soon as possible.  Little girl knew exactly what to do and crawled her way up to nurse.  It was incredible!

I can't begin to thank every single person at Orange City Hospital enough.
They treated us so well and I feel that even through all of it, they gave us the utmost respect and care!  I would recommend Orange City to anyone looking for great OB care!  I also have no words to describe how grateful WE are for what Kari was able to do for us.  She helped keep me positive and helped John to know exactly what was going on and what to do.  She also helped to make sure he was eating and taking breaks.  Lastly, I am more than grateful for my amazing husband.  He did everything I needed him to do.  He is my rock and my soul mate.  I wouldn't have been able to do any of it without his support.  He stood by me with all my crazy needs throughout my pregnancy, and he was there through all the appointments leading up to it.  He was there for my surgery, took care of me after, and didn't bat an eye at giving me shots in the rump twice a week for 32 weeks!  He's an amazing daddy already and I can't wait to see this little girl wrap him even further around her finger.

So there you go, there's the story.
Willa is our miracle rainbow baby.
After she was born, I searched for a quote to use in my blog and this one came up first...
Considering who it is was written by, I thought it was more than perfect!

Our Journey... Part 11, What in the heck is a Doula?!

We've officially hit 37 weeks!

I honestly can't believe it is here already!  This pregnancy has honestly gone

so incredibly fast!  I feel so lucky to have been able to have such a great support team

behind me this entire pregnancy to help everything go so smoothly so far!  This team includes Kari Beadner; our FertilityCare Practitioner,  Dr. Pakiz; our NaPro Technology Physician and first OB,  the entire staff at Pope Paul IV Institute in Omaha, and Dr. Moeller; our OB in Orange City.  They have all done such an amazing job from charting help, to surgery, recovery, thyroid monitoring, hormone monitoring, and amazing prenatal care!  All of those things have gotten us to this point and I truly can't express how grateful we are to have been able to work with all these amazing people!

So what is the next step?  Well here we are at 37 weeks and learning yet more patience on my part!

I have been doing a lot of reading and self reflection over the last trimester regarding what I am hopeful to have happen with this birth.  From the beginning I have hoped to be able to have a "natural birth".  Now this means something different to everyone, and it also isn't what everyone wants... honestly no judgement here whatsoever!  Each woman should make decisions based on what is right for her and her family at that time.  And I do fully understand that what I want may not be possible, but I also know that the more I prepare myself for what I want, the more likely I will be able to achieve it.  One of the first decisions that we made was to hire a Doula.  It shocked me that so many people are not aware of what this is!!!  Seriously?!  I absolutely knew from the moment I was pregnant that there was NO WAY we were going to do this without one!  Lucky for us, our FertilityCare Practitioner (that we have gotten to know incredibly well over the last year) is a Doula!  I can't even begin to describe how much of a relief it was to know that we would have someone there to support us, but most of all to support my husband!!!

Ok, ok, so what the heck is this Doula thing she is talking about???!  

A Doula is a trained professional who provides continuous physical, emotional, and informational support to a mother before, during, and after childbirth to help her achieve the healthiest, best experience possible.

Now this is a very broad definition, but let me breakdown a few things for you that made us decide this was what we needed!  You know how you researched and worked hard to decide on the best Dr. to deliver your child?  Well that Dr. is only with you in your labor sporadically as they are likely also seeing many other patients as well.  They also are extremely important, obviously, for the birth and to make sure that you and baby are safe throughout the labor, but as for support in your labor... they aren't going to be there for that.  Those OB nurses... yep, they aren't there the whole time either.  And if you are in the boat we are in, being our first child, your significant other may not be able to give you the support that you need.  Think of it this way... You do not want pain medication during your labor (for whatever reason you have), but when you are in pain and your significant other feels as though they are not able to help you in managing your pain, what will they want you to do to get relief?   The moment that the nurse gives you the option, they are likely to be on board.  Your significant other wants to take away your pain, and seeing you in that situation may be very difficult for them.  This is the NUMBER ONE reason that we decided a Doula was for us.  

We knew that we needed help managing my pain without medication and that we, very likely, weren't going to have enough information at our disposal to do it on our own!  Our Doula is there to support me, but moreover she is there to support my hubby!  I don't want to hold her hand, but I do want to hold his, but I also want him to be able to stay calm and understand what is going on at each stage so that he can feel in control as well.  A Doula has pain management techniques at her disposal and understands when each may be beneficial.  They also help you to understand some of the interventions that might be necessary and when they ARE actually necessary.  Often, things are not explained well to moms and dads in labor, so you often hear women say that they accepted interventions but later realized they didn't need to do it and regret it.  If something goes wrong and there is an emergency, your Doula is NOT going to stop that from happening, but she will educate you and explain what needs to happen so that you are all understanding.  I understand that birth may not go "as planned", but having someone by our side the ENTIRE TIME to help you through it was what we knew we needed!

I also know that I needed someone to help keep me mentally prepared for what was happening.  I know that I live in my head too much and if I start to panic, the hubs will panic, and then we are definitely SOL ;)  I need the emotional support more than anything.  I needed to hear that what I am feeling is normal and that I can do it!  I know for a fact that pain medications and my body don't mix well.  I have had plenty of times where I have had reactions to pain medications (kidney stones...  that was a bad situation that lead to one very sick and delirious girl with many more meds to control the reactions to the pain meds...) and I do not want to have that happen during my labor.  Honestly, that fear is bigger for me than birth.  The other fear that I have is an epidural...  Seriously gives me the sweats just thinking about it...  AGAIN, for those of you that choose those options, no judgement... for me, they are a huge fear...  I hope to avoid them if at all possible.  Another reason to hire a Doula. 

Studies have shown the effects of having a Doula present for your birth include: 

• shorter labors with fewer complications 
• reduced rates of intervention and augmentation, including the use of forceps, pitocin, epidural, and Cesarean-section 
• more satisfaction with partners and the birth experience 
• less postpartum anxiety and depression 
• better breastfeeding outcomes 
• reduced cost of obstetric care 

We wanted to have options when it comes to pain management during labor.

We wanted a "coach".

We wanted a cheerleader.

We wanted HELP!

I said that I would rather hire one and not need her than to not and 

regret it because I was not able to achieve the birth that I was hoping for!

Our Doula is certified by Childbirth International and also has a special certificate in Spinning Babies (which is a program that works to achieve optimal fetal positioning to ease pregnancy and birth).

 If you are pregnant and/or just want more information on hiring Kari, go to  http://www.ocfertilitycare.com/doula.html

I honestly can say that I am ready!  At least me personally, I am ready.  I feel mentally prepared and excited to meet our little miss!  We officially narrowed down our name list from 30 to 4!  That is HUGE for us since we have such different tastes in names!  We were so blessed to have some great friends throw our little girl a shower and even more blessed by all the gifts that we received that will help us prepare our house for a new little human!  Cloth diapers are all washed and ready to go.  Got a few meals in the freezer.  Got my bag packed for the hospital.  Got the carseat all ready to go.  Now we just have to get the remodel on our house done!  EEEK!  Nothing like starting a remodel of every bedroom in your house and one bathroom when you are 4 weeks from due date!  I guess that is just how we roll!  Honestly it is actually a relief that I don't have to worry about getting a nursery ready when I know we won't be needing one for awhile.  My new mantra when it comes to the house is "it is what it is".   I am sure it will be awesome when it is done!  

Well I am off to go back to "patiently" waiting to meet little miss!  

The next post for you all will hopefully have our new bundle of joy!!!  

I am so excited to share her with all of you that have shared in our journey thus far!

Our Journey... Part 10, 3rd Trimester and More Shots...

Good Monday Morning Gang!

Well we are currently 29.5 weeks and into the 3rd Trimester!

How crazy is that?!  We are so getting very excited, nervous, and nesting is
in full swing!  We might be crazy, but we are about to undertake a huge remodel
to the entire 2nd level of our house with almost 10 weeks (hopefully) left!
That will include all 3 bedrooms, bathroom, and stairway!  I am excited to
get a move on and finally have a room for baby...
even if it isn't done when baby arrives!  It is what it is.. right?!?!

Pregnancy is going smoothly!  Doc says I am gaining weight perfectly, my blood pressure is just as perfect as always, no major food cravings, sleeping like a champ (even though I pee a lot! lol), baby is right around 2.5 lbs, and she is moving around like crazy all day, but seems to sleep all night :)
We got all registered for what we need for baby.  We are cloth diapering, which makes me extremely excited (hippy maybe?).  But I have been stocking up on those so we are ready when baby comes home!  OMG, let me just say that they are the CUTEST little things I have ever seen!  Cloth diapers are not as scary as people think they are, I promise!  I will be posting about them coming up soon!  Got my breast pump already, so that is exciting!  We decided to go with the Spectra S1 Pump with rechargeable battery.  It has seriously great reviews and cost the same with insurance as the Madela! (HINT:  call your insurance company, they should be covering your breast pump!!)

You don't realize all the things that go along with getting ready for baby
until you sit and actually start writing it out!  Here are a few hints on things that
you SHOULD make sure you have figured out before baby comes.

1.  Call your Health Insurance to find out what you need to do to add baby to your policy.

2.  Think about a life insurance policy for baby!  Even if you don't have one for you, you will want to have something set up!  Just in case something would happen (heaven forbid it does) or if your child would happen to end up with some sort of complication that later in life might make it more difficult for them to get life insurance.

3.  Call the hospital to find out if you can pre-register for your birth.  If possible it would be nice to not have to be filling out paperwork while you are in full on labor!

4.  Make sure you have a car seat that FITS in your car!  Trust me, we drive a very small car and they don't all fit!  Get it and try it out beforehand in case you need to exchange it!  Also as someone reminded me, really, a car seat is the only thing that you MUST have in order to take your baby home from the hospital, it is kind of a requirement ;)

5.  Have a good idea how you are planning to announce to close family and friends about your new arrival!  Sounds kind of dumb I know, but if you are like me and want to be able to have time with baby and daddy alone before visitors ensue, you may want to talk to hubby to make a plan!

6.  Have a plan for your other kids or pets!  You don't know for sure how long you will be in the hospital or even WHEN!  Have someone on call that you can call anytime and they
will know what to do!

7.  Have meals ready in the freezer for when you get home.  We are going to have at least 20 freezer meals ready to go at home and also have quick snacks available such as your favorite bars, protein shakes, nuts, fruit strips, etc.  Here are a few items I won't be without:  Chocolate Dipped Coconut Luna Bars,  Aloha Chocolate Plant Based Protein, Oven Roasted Almonds, Pomegranate Fruit Strips, La Croix Water, as well as plenty of fresh fruit and veggies for snacking!

8.  Make a list for your hospital bag so that you don't forget anything!  I am one to not pack too early because I need most of the items, so a list and and an empty bag ready to go will help me pack last minute if I need to!  Don't forget your phone charger, car seat, and DAD'S BAG!
He will need some necessities also!

I know that there are things that I am forgetting, but this is my list of things that, so far, I am working on getting accomplished!  What are some things that you moms can add to my list?  I would love to hear what else I need to be sure to have done!

Ok, so "More Shots".   Man do I wish that these shots were the alcoholic type, but unfortunately they are less fun that that.  These are the IM injections of Progesterone that I receive twice a week right in the rump.  I have had a lot of questions regarding why these are needed and what they are for, so I thought I would give you all a little background on the importance of Progesterone in pregnancy.

So what is Progesterone?
Progesterone is a steroid hormone that a woman's corpus luteum produces during the 2nd half of her menstrual cycle.  It is the hormone responsible for thickening the lining of the uterus after ovulation so that a fertilized egg is able to implant.  If there is not enough progesterone, the lining will not be able to accept the fertilized egg and menses will begin (menses also happens if no fertilized egg was available to be implanted).  High levels of progesterone does not allow ovulation to occur, this is why it is only available AFTER ovulation.  Estrogen is high before ovulation and progesterone rises after.  Make sense??  Ok, so what happens if a person is not producing enough progesterone to start with?  You will likely not be able to conceive as the lining of the endometrium will not be thick enough to accept an egg.  This is when a Dr. may prescribe Post-Peak Progesterone supplementation, usually in the form of a cream or oral capsules (my case).

Some symptoms of non pregnancy related low progesterone include missed or abnormal menstrual cycles, abnormal bleeding (premenstrual and postmenstrual spotting), frequent miscarriage, PMS symptoms, and infertility.  My cycle changed drastically with the addition of post peak progesterone.  I no longer had spotting, I had a cycle, boom, there it was... and it was shortened drastically due to no more spotting.  I also had better symptoms in regards to my mood pre-menstrual.

If you are able to conceive and continue to have low levels of progesterone, you run a higher risk of miscarriage or pre term delivery because progesterone is also the hormone that helps to maintain pregnancy!  Normally, the placenta begins to produce progesterone during the 2nd and 3rd trimesters which should help to maintain your pregnancy, BUT 1.  you have to get that far, and 2. this doesn't always happen to the level necessary to maintain the pregnancy.  This is where our IM injections have come in to play.  NaPro Technology has a scale that they use throughout pregnancy to monitor progesterone levels every 2 weeks.  I have labs drawn bi-weekly, send them to the National Hormone Laboratory in Omaha, Nebraska and they determine what my levels are.  From there, Dr. Pakiz will decide if I am where I need to be on their scale.  We started out great and needed only 1, 100mg dose a week, but that changed constantly during our pregnancy.  At one point we were up to 200mg dosage 2x/week plus 300mg suppositories nightly... Let me just say, I HATE needles, but those suppositories are for the birds!  Forget that crap!  I couldn't even explain how much I appreciated my body finally not needing that junk anymore! I will receive progesterone as long as deemed necessary this pregnancy, but will likely need until 37ish weeks.  Keeping this nugget cooking is all I care about!

So for now, this is what I get to have done twice a week!
Thank goodness the hubby is such a great nurse and can do them for me!!


The NaPro Technology website has a great article regarding the use of Progesterone Support During Pregnancy and the safety of it as well.  There is also a copy of the chart they use to determine what level you should be at during each 2 weeks of pregnancy.  This is something that many Docs are not aware of the benefits, so they may question it during your pregnancy.  If you have a NaPro physician monitoring your levels, they are a great resource for your OB to discuss your case with.

If you have symptoms that you feel are related to progesterone insufficiency, I highly recommend you find a Creighton Practitioner that can teach you how to chart your cycles which will very likely show any progesterone related issues as well as many other health related conditions that may be affecting not only your fertility but your day to day life!  I truly believe that our bodies are amazing at showing us what is going on with it, but we just aren't always looking at those signs!  I am slowly working on a blog post regarding Creighton Charting, bear with me, it's going to be a good one :)

If you want more information on Creighton Practitioners in your area check out the
Fertility Care Centers of America Website
or if you are in Northwest Iowa, please check out
Guiding Star Orange City

This is so much more than your fertility!  This is about quality of life!
You know your body better than anyone else!  Do NOT accept "it is normal" when you
know that it is NOT normal for you!  You have options!

Our Journey... Part 9, It's A...

Wow!  It has been quite the ride the last 21 weeks!

You heard that right, 21 weeks!!! HOLY GUACAMOLE!  We found out we were pregnant at 4 weeks and I can say that for the most part it has flown by!  Quick update on my pregnancy...

First Trimester...

Honestly for the most part was a breeze in regards to morning sickness, I only had minor nausea (thank the lord!).  I feel terrible for any of you mama's that have had morning sickness and all the yuck that comes along with that!  I was extremely exhausted and hungry all the time, but definitely had some pretty strong food aversions...  the smell of ground beef cooking was enough to make me want to run for the hills!  Oofta, nope, nada, no thank you, I will stick with chicken!  I didn't gain much weight in the first trimester either, about 4 lbs total.  The other symptom that I suffered from was constipation and let me tell ya, might not believe me, but at times I think I would've rather had the morning sickness. 

When we found out that we were pregnant, one of the first things that they did was to determine what my progesterone levels were.  If you remember right, my levels were low prior to becoming pregnant and I needed supplementation in order to achieve pregnancy.  Well we found that my levels were low yet so we had to supplement progesterone in the form of IM injections twice a week.  My hubby stepped up (without a single complaint) and has given me all but 2 injections throughout the last 17 weeks, he is pretty much a pro at this point!  (Keep an eye out for another post soon regarding progesterone levels in pregnancy and more info about supplementation...) 

Second Trimester...

Baby has been growing like a champ almost as soon as we hit the 2nd trimester!  Crazy how I would start to have some new symptoms and the next day my baby tracking app would state that those symptoms would start soon.  Makes you really feel like you are on the right track!  Again we continued the progesterone injections and even had to add vaginal suppositories for a week as my levels dropped by almost half.  That was a very scary time for me and emotionally I was an absolute wreck.  Once my levels got back into range I truly started to feel more like myself.  We also found that I needed to add Synthroid to my daily intake.  I basically rely on my fitbit alarms to tell me when I have to do what!  

My food aversions went away almost immediately in the 2nd trimester and my appetite came back, which was both good and bad!  I haven't been as "strict" with my diet that Dr. Pakiz put me on thinking that now that I was pregnant, I didn't need to worry about it so much... WRONG!!!!  Dairy and gluten especially bother me still, sometimes worse than before.  I'd be lying if I said I learned my lesson...  Damn CRAVINGS!!!  Mentally food has been a huge struggle for me.  I can't say that I have any "weird" cravings... But, when I want something, I want it... RIGHT NOW!  Ha!  Chinese food?  Now.  Tacos?  Now.  Donuts?  Now, now NOW!  But other strong cravings have been for fruit of all kinds, which is great, because this is the best time of year for that!

Dr. Pakiz approved our move from Omaha to someone local at week 12.  We struggled with the decision, wanting to be sure that we chose the right place and Dr. for us.  Hubby made the comment "do you feel like we are cheating on Dr. Pakiz?"  I mean, yeah... She is our saving grace!  After seeing doctors since I was 12 years old with no answers to any of my complaints, she gave us exactly what we needed to heal my body so that we could finally have a chance at having our baby.  On top of that she gave me my life back... so yeah... we basically wanted to either steal her and bring her to Iowa or even contemplated me staying in Omaha the month of September to be ready when baby was.  That shows how much we are indebted to her, I can not even begin to thank her enough for what an amazing job she does.  She will ALWAYS hold a special place in our hearts. 

So what did we decide to do???  We decided that Orange City was where we started on our Creighton Model and NaPro journey, so maybe it should be where we finish it!  We decided to visit with Dr. Moeller there and are so happy we did!  She is amazing and we are so happy that we have found 2 great doctors after all these years!  We started with Dr. Moeller at 16 weeks and as of today we had our 21 week appointment and ultrasound!!!!  So what did we find out?  

Well Baby Rupp is growing PERFECTLY!  We got to see everything, heart, diaphragm, legs, feet, arms, hands, brain, face... all of it, and all of it is absolutely perfect.  Honestly, I was so incredibly nervous for this visit, I couldn't even cry, I just stared at the screen in awe of what we have created... this perfect little 1 pound person.  It felt surreal, it still does.  I honestly was also very shocked, because I just kept having this crazy feeling that we would be having a boy... 

Well this mama was WRONG!  

We are so excited to announce that we will be welcoming a beautiful baby GIRL in September!!

Our Journey... Part 8, A Rainbow.

I read something recently that feels perfect to start with...

This has been such an amazing and exhausting journey at the same time.

We have had to learn so much about ourselves and our marriage.  

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.  

Let me say I believe this to be wholeheartedly true.  

I feel like I have grown so much as a person and wife in the last year.  

In the world of infertility you will often hear about Rainbow Babies.

For those of you that don't know what that means, these are babies that are born following a miscarriage or stillbirth.  The quote above says it best...

No rainbow can take away the pain from the storm, but it can give you 

something beautiful in the midst of the darkness.  

This last year has been such an incredible storm full of thunder, lightning, and steady rain.  

From our miscarriage in January 2016, finding Creighton Model and NaPro Technology in March, our diagnosis in May, what would have been the birth day of our baby in September, my surgery in October, personal healing and big life decisions in November, Job changes for my husband in December....  We made it through... Like I said in my previous post, stronger than ever.  We were ready for what was next... for what was to come... Our Rainbow!
That's right... We're Expecting our Rainbow Baby in September 2017!!!

This last month has been a whirlwind!  We found out we were expecting on my birthday!

That is the most amazing birthday gift I ever could have been given!  NaPro Technology has given us the strength and hope that is able to overcome most of the fears lingering from last year.  Anyone having a previous loss will tell you that the fear NEVER goes away.  Every single symptom, every single lack of symptom, every . single . day . there is fear.  I feel so blessed to know that we are doing EVERYTHING possible to help my body grow this amazing and beautiful little human being.  We were able to go to Omaha the day before Valentine's Day for our first ultrasound.  This was the absolute most amazing thing I have ever heard... a strong heartbeat!  Next was to see our baby, 2nd most amazing thing in the world!  Perfect baby, moving around, and even sat perfectly still for the heartbeat to be read.  I knew the risks of miscarriage went down once these things could be checked off the list.  But I also know that we still have a long ways to go!   We were so excited to tell our parents and families!  They got a very exciting Valentine's surprise this year!

We decided that you are all a part of this journey with us and wanted to let you all know!  

I want to give hope to those going through loss that there is a light meant for you.  

Don't give up.

And don't worry, this is far from the end of our Journey... 

We are just getting started!

Our Journey... Part 7, On To 2017!

Well!  Feels like forever since I have posted!

Life has been absolutely crazy!  The last time I posted, I stated that I was hoping it was going to be my last trip to Omaha, well that was a no go.  I had 2 more visits after that totaling 13 ultrasounds!  Oofta, that is a lot!  But oh so worth it!  I have been asked numerous times what exactly they were looking for on the ultrasounds, well they were watching my ovaries and measuring my dominant follicle all the way through ovulation.  They wanted to be sure that the follicle was growing appropriately and also that ovulation was occurring... and it was!  Yay!

So that is one awesome piece  of news that we needed to hear!  Next up, Progesterone!

I had talked in another post regarding my progesterone levels and how they were so incredibly low.  Well we have started taking compounded progesterone supplementation on days P+3 through P+12 with a lab draw on P+7 to check my levels.  I know that all this talk about P+whatever is confusing for those of you that don't do Creighton Charting, but basically P stands for your last day of Fertile Mucus.  This is known as your Peak Day.  The numbers after that stand for exactly that, the number of days following your Peak Day.  These are the days that your progesterone should be highest before falling and your wonderful Aunt Flo rears her ugly head again.  Before starting this supplementation, my progesterone at P+7 was 11.9, normal is 15.7, but for fertility they would like to see it much higher than that.  I would like to proudly say my level at P+7 during my last cycle was 31.3!  YAHOO!!!  That is so extremely exciting in itself, BUT there is more!  Prior to my surgery and progesterone, I ALWAYS had horrible PMS symptoms.  I discussed these in previous posts, but a run down would be consipation, bloating, cramping, migraine headaches, acne, mood swings... 10 fold.  Since the surgery and the progesterone I now have ZERO... did  you see that?  Nil, none, zilch, zip... NOT A SINGLE PMS SYMPTOM!  Oh, and my 5 days of premenstrual spotting is also completely gone!

Seriously, I can't even describe to you how amazing this is for me and my husband
(mood swings remember!).  

The next hurdle we had to jump was the 21 days of antibiotics for both of us.  Any of you that know me, I am not one to take antibiotics, especially not for 21 days, holy moly!  But we did it, 500mg a day turns out to be quite the diet plan if you are trying to lose weight in non-fun ways! ;)
We finished those about 2.5 weeks ago.  Another AMAZING update after this is that my 5-6 days of tail end brown bleeding (this is brown spotting following your period, and no it is NOT NORMAL!) has STOPPED!  Now, I am no mathematician, but between the progesterone and the antibiotic, the bleeding portion of my cycle has shortened by about 10-12 days!  What the What?!  I can not even describe to you how wonderful that is.  Anyone that has horrible PMS symptoms and long bleeding cycles understands how much life that takes away from you!  I seriously feel like a new woman!  I am currently still having a lot of cramping and heavy bleeding with my period, and to this my doctor believes it is due to inflammatory foods in my diet.  I will be honest, I have been working very hard on eliminating inflammatory foods from my diet, but the holidays are HARD MAN!!  Another reason to look forward to 2017!  I WILL DO THIS!  I mean, I know how much dairy and wheat make me feel like total poo, but man those Christmas Cookies are tasty! Ugh!

One of the worst parts about all of this is that you have to wait until you get your period to determine if the treatments are working or not.  When you want to get pregnant and have a baby, waiting and wanting your period is the last thing you want to have to do.  But more patience is being learned by this girl than anything else!  I recently have started on the T3 supplementation for the Thyroid System Dysfunction and am working on being patient until we can get the dosage correct!  I have been taking it for a little over a week and have no change in temperatures or symptoms.  The next step will be to likely up my dosage, but we shall see what the doctor wants to do!

Patience... that is a word that keeps coming up in all things in my life.   Patience in my health, patience in my job, patience in our fertility, and the biggest is patience in dealing with how others are reacting to our fertility.  I know that sounds like something that has nothing to do with me, but it does.  The holidays are tough all around, but something that makes is harder for people going through infertility are all the "baby's first christmas" ornaments, the "when are YOU going to finally have kids" question, the "practice makes perfect" comments.... All of those things are really tough for someone who wants nothing more than to have a positive test and a fun way to tell their family that their new bundle is on the way, but time after time it just isn't in their cards.  I understand both sides, I have been on both sides.  I NEVER expected to be in this position of regretting because now I understand, we have all said things that we later regret, even though at the time we honestly meant no ill will.  You know what, it is ok!  I know, I know, "how dare they say those things, they don't have any idea what we have gone through!"  You are right, but you are also right!  They don't know what you are going through.  Infertility has such a stigma around it that it isn't talked about.  Infertility, miscarriage, ectopic pregnancies, trying yourself to tears... all those things are happening to you, me, your sister, your daughter, your aunt, your friend, your cousin... But often we don't even know it!  Why?  Shame?  Society?  Stigma?  Fear?  Guilt?  All of the above?

Am I ashamed that I haven't been able to have my own child yet?  Yes.  Am I ashamed that my body couldn't keep my growing baby?  Absolutely.  Am I afraid of getting pregnant again in fear of losing the baby again?  Of course, BUT I also can't blame anyone for asking questions when for many of us, the topic comes up about having kids and we awkwardly blow it off as though we aren't trying or wanting kids in hopes that that will stop the converstation.  I have found that for MOST, now there are always those people that are missing that empathy gene, but again for most people if you explain that you would love to be able to have children but you are working through infertility, they will either understand themselves, know another family member in your shoes, or at least understand that it is not in your control.  Now, that doesn't mean that the questions don't hurt, or that people shouldn't be a little more considerate, we all know that they should be, but we don't have control of that.  When you stop allowing the Infertility diagnosis BE you, you start to regain strength and feel more in control.  I know that everyone is different and deals with their pain in different ways, but I honestly have found that being open with people has made me a happier and stronger person.  I have learned to have patience with the fact that people just don't think before they speak, including myself sometimes.  That is NOT including those people that just choose to be buttheads and continually say things they know better than to say... to those I like to say "Bless and Release".  If they don't care enough to listen and have empathy towards you, they really shouldn't matter in the first place.  Sorry to be blunt, but it is true.  Bless and release those people, those comments, that fear, that anger, that shame... all of it.

I truly am more excited for this coming year than I have ever been in the past.  I am just ready to leave 2016 and my grief, sadness, disappointment, frustration, and self loathing behind!  Onward and upwards.  To whatever 2017 has in store for me, for us, I am ready.  I have finally come to a point that I feel I am able to think much more clearly about this whole entire process.  I feel that we have taken the path that we had the most faith in and fit into our belief system.  Whatever happens after this is where we are meant to be.  I pray daily that my husband and I will be blessed to become parents, however that is meant to happen for us.  But I also know that if that is not meant for us, we are going to be ok.  We are leaving 2016 with the strongest relationship we have had since meeting in 2008.  I can't imagine any other person I would rather spend my good and bad days with.  He completes my life and makes me the best version of myself that I could be.  I am truly happy with my life, even in light of where this journey has taken us!  I won't give up on this journey, but like I have said before, there are always twists and turns in the path.

Which way will 2017 take us?  I am not sure, but I am optimistic that it will be OUR YEAR!

I think it is a sign that these are the words to our First Dance Song from our Wedding...

"This Will Be Our Year"
(Foo Fighters originally by The Zombies)

The warmth of your love's
Like the warmth from the sun
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come

Don't let go of my hand
Now darkness has gone
This will be our year
Took a long time to come

I won't forget 
The way you helped me 
Up when I was down
And I won't forget
The way you said
Darling I love you
You gave me faith to go on
Now we're there 
And we've only just begun
This will be our year
Took a long time to come

The warmth of your smile
Smile for me little one
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come

You don't have to worry
All your worried days are gone
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come

And I won't forget 
The way you helped me 
Up when I was down
And I won't forget
The way you said
Darling I love you
You gave me faith to go on
Now we're there 
And we've only just begun
This will be our year
Took a long time to come

And we've only just begun
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come

I hope that 2017 will be your year as well, in all things.
Blessings,
Melissa

Hormones... they are everywhere...

So I have decided to throw in a little educational post today, so for those

of you looking for mind numbing info, you are in for a treat! ha!  

Just kidding!  Honestly, this is actually really interesting info!

So in order to talk about this, I first need to go back... back to our first and very short pregnancy.

Now if you remember right, we had decided to stop the fertility drugs and get healthy.  Well, part of that meant supplementing some of the areas in my body that I KNEW were an issue, even if the numbers on my lab results didn't say so.  

Here is a list of some of my symptoms, many of them you might relate to!

Fatigue, weakness

Depression, irritability

Mind fog, memory loss

Digestive issues – usually constipation

Weight gain or difficulty losing weight

Dry/rough skin, dry/brittle hair, HAIR LOSS... holy clogged drain!

Eczema

Cold intolerance

Low body temperature (I knew this from our first try at "charting")

Slow pulse (our life insurance nurse caught this!)

Menstrual cycle abnormalities

Difficulty conceiving or carrying pregnancy

Some of these were things that I didn't realize were even symptoms at all, I just thought it was me.  It was normal to be tired, irritable, full of crap (lol), unable to lose weight, itchy, going bald, cold ALL.THE.TIME, have extreme PMS, and unable to get pregnant.

NOPE!  It is not just me, and it is not normal either!  Like I said last post, our bodies are made so intricately to work that when one aspect is not functioning, it can have detrimental effects on other areas.

Guess what problem also has all these same symptoms?  And then some actually...

Anyone?  Thyroid System Dysfunction.  Did you know that if your thyroid is not functioning properly, you can actually be considered in the medical world to be infertile, even if all of their thyroid tests are "normal"?!   That was the boat I was in, I knew that something was wrong with my thyroid, but my Dr.'s kept saying it was fine.  I begged to have a full hormone panel run, but never got the tests I asked for.  So I decided to take it into my own hands.  I decided to do whatever I could to kickstart my thyroid.  And I did.  I started to take a supplement called Thyromin by Young Living and I also started using oils including Endoflex and Sclaressense to help support my Endocrine System.  Guess what happened?  I lost weight, my skin got a little better, my temps started to go up along with my pulse, and WE GOT PREGNANT.  Now mind you, I stopped taking the supplement when I was pregnant because of the extremely high amount of iodine in it, but I truly believe that it played a huge part in us getting pregnant!  John admits that I was a totally different person when I was on this supplement and he believes wholeheartedly that my thyroid is affecting my health and our fertility!  

How does it exactly help with that you might be asking?

Well here is where the nerdy educational part comes in...

Your thyroid is a gland that sits in your neck around your windpipe.  It produces thyroid hormones which control your body's metabolism and control the growth and development of your fetus while pregnant.  But healthy thyroid function is also needed for controlling heart rate, blood pressure, and brain function!  Now I won't go into complete detail, but here's a quick rundown on how the thyroid works:

Hypothalmus tells the Pituitary Gland to make TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone).

You guessed it, TSH tells the Thyroid to produce Thyroid Hormone, mainly T4.

T4 is carried into the cells and produces T3 (this is the active form of the hormone and tells your cells what they are supposed to do)

So that's the basics.  Now most doctors will diagnose Thyroid Dysfunction based on your TSH and T4 levels.  Any numbers too high or low could be caused by the thyroid itself, OR any other problems upstream such as the hypothalmus or pituitary...  Problem is, sometimes these numbers are within normal ranges, but many of the symptoms of Thyroid Dysfunction are still there.

There is another form of T3 that is OFTEN never looked at.  This is called rT3 (reverse T3) and this is the INACTIVE form of T3.  Why would you need this?  Well your body makes this as a way to get rid of any unnecessary T4.  Your body is continuously making T4, but as T3 levels rise, you may not need that much of it so it has to have a sort of "shut off" system in place.  Long term medication use, chronic inflammation (endo?!), physical injury, stress causing Adrenal Dysfunction (causing too much cortisol, which inhibits conversion of T4 to T3 and increases rT3, THIS IS THE MOST RECOGNIZED CAUSE!!!!), illnesses, starvation or severe calorie restriction, diabetes, Lyme Disease, and even low iron levels (decreases your bloods ability to carry T4, so it gets elevated equaling excess rT3) can cause elevated levels of rT3 in your system!  Often times when your rT3 is elevated, your T4, T3, and TSH levels will be normal.

This rT3 dominance causes decreased metabolism and is associated with decreased body temperature.  This occurs because rT3 and T3 both bind to the same receptors in your cells, but with too much rT3 it is able to bind to the receptors and block your active T3 from being able to do it's job.  This causes many of the chemical reactions in the body to slow down.  When these reactions slow down, less heat is produced and the body temperature starts to decrease.  rT3 is a blood test that can be run, but often is not.  The best indicator is T3/rT3 ratio, this needs to be above 10, but many homeopathic doctors like to see that number to be above 20 for optimal function.   The last thing that is done is a series of body temperatures.  This is done using a Basal Body Thermometer.  Average body temperature needs to be above 98.2 for normal thyroid function and body function. 

Here are my labs:

Thyroid System Dysfunction is a very controversial condition.  It is sometimes referred to as Wilson's Syndrome, but the American Thyroid Association does not even admit that it exists.  This is why it is so hard to be diagnosed.  So now what?  Well I do know a few people that have been able to find naturopathic doctors and SOME medical doctors that have treated this with great success!  At Pope Paul VI Institute they are working to evaluate a select group of patients that have not responded to other forms of treatment, but are being selected for treatment of this condition.  They are labeling it Thyroid System Dysfunction because they believe it to be a result of the thyroid hormone on a variety of different organ systems in the body.  WELL!!!  That was a LOT of science, hope you are hanging in there!  I got just a little bit more for you!

So, how does the thyroid affect your fertility?  I knew you would ask!
In men, this can cause decreases in sperm production as the body needs a certain temperature for sperm to be produced and survive.  In women, there are a lot of effects (both on mom and fetus)... I won't go into them all, but want to talk about one specifically.

If a woman is estrogen dominant, this means that their estrogen levels are much higher than their progesterone levels during the duration of their cycle.  Now, mind you, your estrogen levels may be totally normal, BUT the problem is that there is not enough progesterone to oppose the activity of the estrogen.  This excess estrogen causes the liver to produce a hormone known as Thyroid Binding Globulin.  This binds to T4 and inhibits cells from being able to use it. Thus you have enough T4, but are not able to use it.  Also did you know that your ovaries produce the majority of your progesterone?  It does, but if it is not keeping up, your body has a "back up" system to help out!  Did you know that your ADRENALS also produce progesterone?  Well now you do!  They make SOME progesterone, read that again, SOME.  Now, remember how we said that stress causes adrenal dysfunction?  Well when your adrenals get overworked they make too much cortisol trying to keep uo with everything... Go back up 4 paragraphs and read that again!  Eventually your adrenals will give up (adrenal fatigue) and you will not have a back up for making progesterone.  Remember how I said that our body is so intricately made?!  It is all a vicious circle!

Here are my progesterone levels during the 2nd half of my cycle.  Notice they are low!

There are so many things that you can do to help protect these systems from dysfunction!  CONTROL YOUR STRESS!   I know, easier said than done, but it needs to be done... for your health!  There are also supplements that can help your adrenals (note: talk to your doctor before starting any supplement regimen or find a naturopath!).  Diet, diet, diet!  That is one!  Avoiding inflammatory foods that cause your system to be overworked, this includes things like dairy, red meat, alcohol, wheat and gluten, to name a few.  Do your research on Anti Inflammatory and Autoimmune Diets.  For your thyroid be sure you are getting enough sleep and also concentrate on low impact exercise and weight training as opposed to extended cardio!  (I believe this is why I hate to run, it just wasn't meant to be! ha!)  I truly believe that the best thing you can do is to get a correct diagnosis!  The thyroid has such a grave effect on so many other systems in the body that you want to be sure you are treating it with what it needs!  Find yourself a doctor that you trust and doesn't throw away your concerns!  I feel so lucky to have found this path we are on!  I am excited to get my life back!

Right now we are working with our Doctor to record my basal body temperatures for 10 days and that will determine where we go with my thyroid dysfunction.  But we are also working with her to start taking a compounded bio-identical progesterone in order to get those levels to where they need to be to achieve pregnancy, but also to hopefully attain a normal menstrual cycle!  That sounds like heaven!  Ok, I have bored you enough for today!  I am glad I got that all of my brain!  It was getting full in there ;)  I am headed to Omaha today for hopefully my last time and will have all that fun info for you on our next Journey post!   

Our Journey... Part 6, Post-Op!

8 days post-op...

What a crazy week it has been.  I am not even sure where to start... speechless I guess!

Crazy thought huh?  I have been mildly speechless both from nerves and in awe often this last week.

Since this entire process began 6 months ago it has been a whirlwind and I haven't had a lot of time to actually think about what I was doing or what this would mean for us... or John.  I have always known that I had an amazing husband, but this last few days has proven why I married him... and why I am so happy that he chose me.  I know that I am not always the easiest to "deal" with, and that is on a normal day, let alone on anesthesia! haha!  But he stuck around, lucky for me!  And lucky for us we have some pretty amazing people on this journey with us!  (psst... that means you!) I can't thank you enough for all the calls, texts, and messages in the last while.  You are all amazing!

Where do we start...

We headed to Omaha last Wednesday for all of our scheduled pre-op visits.  We had one at the hospital where the surgery would be performed and another at Pope Paul VI Institute.  This is the first chance we had gotten to actually meet any of the people we had been talking to on the phone for the last 6 months, including Dr. Pakiz.  It is a surreal feeling finally getting to meet the woman that could potentially give you your life back!  I was nervous and excited all day, so much to take in and honestly a lot of it is a blur.... So glad I had John there, I am pretty sure I have asked him the same questions a million times because I apparently wasn't listening!  My mind was definitely spinning and I was trying to keep it all together emotionally.

When we had our pre-op with Dr. Pakiz she explained everything that would be happening the next day and in the following week.  We knew that there was a possibility, if my case was moderate to extensive, I would need another surgery.  We were told that with the new technology it was a 50/50 chance.  There is so much more that they are able to do with the robot, so often they will require another surgery to use that technology instead.  I prayed and prayed that even with my symptoms I was a mild to moderate case, because remember, with Endometriosis the symptoms don't always mean squat!  We also found out at our pre-op ultrasound that I had some peri-tubal cysts that were generously large.  She noted that they are not likely causing any pain or symptoms, but if they are weighing my tubes down they will have to be removed.

Dr. Pakiz explained that they would have to fill my abdomen with Carbon Dioxide to allow for room to work, that they would be removing the Endometriosis that they find, possibly removing the cysts, doing a Hysteroscopy (looking into the uterus to determine if there are any signs of abmormalities there), and doing a Selective Hysterosalpingogram (this is basically where they push dye into your Fallopian Tubes to make sure that they are not blocked and that the pressure inside them is sufficient to allow your eggs to pass).  I would be under for the entire procedure and it should take approximately 1-2 hours to complete.  I would have 2 incisions for the Laparoscopy, one in my belly button and one above my pubic bone that would allow them to have the camera in to view everything and the laser to do the work.  Ok.  I think I got all the details... I am ready... Let's do this!

Thursday... Today is the day!  4:30 am...  That is early, but I knew that, lucky for me, I would be getting a good nap in soon ;)  I was ready this morning.  I was feeling good, nervous, but good.  They got me all hooked up and by 7:40 they were wheeling me to surgery.  I remember moving from my bed to the table and then it was lights out.  Dr. Pakiz told John that she would keep him up to date on how I was doing throughout the proceedure and if anything changed.  The surgery took longer than expected, the nurse informed John that they did not want to have to come back for another surgery so Dr. Pakiz was going to do all of it this time, without the robot.  They ended up needing 6 incision sites instead of 2, and she ended up needing to place permanent stitches to close up some of the areas where Endo and the cysts were removed.  In all, 3 of 4 cysts were removed as well as what she called "mild" endometriosis.  She did not find any endometrial adhesions, nor did she find it on any other organs.  She also found that there is a significant amount of inflammation inside my uterus and cultured that to determine if there is an infection there.  She also informed John that she needed to place a tube into my left Fallopian Tube to clear it out as the pressure was elevated there.  Everything went well and I would be in recovery soon!

She got it all... No More Surgery... Those were the words that I remember John telling me when I woke up.  All the other stuff was a blur.  But those words... those were what I needed to hear.

I want to share some pictures from the surgery that Dr. Pakiz shared with John while I was in recovery.  We also were able to watch the surgical video at our post-op visit and see her in action!  Let me say, that was really interesting for me, but I could also feel my insides hurting as I watched!

These are a few of the images of the Endo that was removed.
The top right is called a Halo Lesion.  These were located on the front side of my sacrum (tailbone), behind my uterus
The bottom right are lesions that are attached to my right ovary. 

These are 2 of the 3 cysts on my right Fallopian Tube 

This is the cyst on the left Fallopian Tube 

Top:  Right ovary and tube Post-Surgery
Bottom:  Left ovary and tube Post surgery
Can also see the posterior abdomen where they sutured after removing some of the Endo. 

Left Ovary:  Appears Mildly Polycystic.  Size Normal, but smooth.

There you have it!  Isn't that crazy that such a small little lesion can wreak so much havoc on your system?!  Makes you feel like a little bit of a wuss!  But you know what, Endo is real, and it is definitely something that can play a detrimental effect on your body!  Right now I am just taking some time to heal, I have gone back to work part time and let me tell ya, you don't realize how much you use your core until you have numerous tiny holes in it!  I am healing well, still having some pain on the left side from the extra incisions, but overall feeling really good!

I am continuing my trips to Omaha as we speak for ultrasounds.  They are watching my follicles within my ovaries change and grow as we near ovulation.  They want to watch the process and be sure that it is all working properly.  I am also beginning the process of treating my Thyroid and also my Low Progesterone.   I have all kinds of fun lab stuff for ya in my next post!  It is so incredibly interesting how intricate God created our bodies to work in a specific way.  

This journey isn't even close to being over...  

We're just headed down another road.

Our Journey... Part 5

SURGERY WEEK IS HERE!

Oofta... I have had every emotion under the sun the last week.  

But today... I am ready. 

I am beyond ready.  Let's do this!

So I am packing today for our trip, we leave tomorrow and as long as everything goes well, we will be coming home Friday.  I am praying that things go as planned and I will be able to rest and recoup at home.  I cleaned and washed everything, I felt like I was nesting lol!  

Mentally preparing for your pre-op "to-do" list is a whole other story.  Labs, ultrasounds, financial department visit, drink water to pee in a cup, drink more water because you need a full bladder 3 hours later, light on the food because you know you have an enema in your future... yep you read that right.  UGH!  So gross lol!  I told the hubby he should have to do one too, just for moral support (I mean "in sickness and in health" right?!)!  He wasn't too keen on that idea! Ha!

I will be sure to update you all as soon as I am feeling up to it!  Let's do this!

I want to share a Guest Blog Post from my friend Kari for today.  

I want to talk a little about discretion.  I know that we all say things thinking, well actually not thinking at all, that we understand each person's journey.  Kari has a great story and I think it is perfect for people to know that just because you choose your journey and it doesn't "fit the norm" of society, it is still YOUR JOURNEY!  Who chooses this "norm" anyway?  Why do we feel like we have to fit into a specific mold just to make us feel like we have completed our worldly duty?  

Discretion... the quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information.  Be considerate of other's choices, you may not always understand their reasons behind them. 

In the words of Dr. Dave and Dr. Troy,  "You are designed by God for greatness and a purpose"

Not everyone's purpose is the same as yours, no judgement, just love.  And I love this story. 

Here is Kari's Journey.

A Different Kind of Infertility Story

“So, you mean you don’t have any kids of your own?”..This question is usually accompanied by a surprised or condescending tone of voice. And then usually followed up with something trite such as, “Well at least you have 3 stepkids!”, or “Want to watch mine sometime?..Haha!”, or the worst, “So what do you do with all of your time?!” (I keep plenty busy, thank you very much.) 

Let me explain. I was born with a heart condition known as Transposition of the Great Arteries. It means that my pulmonary artery and my aorta are switched around. It changes the way blood circulates throughout the body, and leaves a shortage of oxygen in the blood. It was discovered 3 days after I was born and turned blue one night while my mom was feeding me. I had my first open heart surgery at 4 days old, my second surgery the next day, and my “big” surgery (where they opened up my chest and re routed the vessels and arteries in my heart) when I was 11 months old. I had a pacemaker implanted when I was 19 and have had that redone twice. If you would meet me, you’d think I was pretty normal and healthy until you saw the big scars across my chest. (And you’d notice them too; I’m not shy about wearing a tank top or a swimsuit.) Having TGA isn’t easy. I have to think about it every time I workout and make sure my heart isn’t beating too fast, every time I get sick (Any sort of flu like symptoms could put me in the hospital if I’m not careful) and every time I weigh myself as my doctor doesn’t want me getting too heavy. (And you thought you had it rough just hoping you’d fit into your favorite pair of jeans!)

All of that is easy compared to the way TGA has impacted my life the most. I can’t have kids. I’ve kind of known about this all my life. (Thanks for all those safe sex lectures, Mom!) Being pregnant would be too hard on my heart. When I was 21, I had my tubes tied. I know a lot of people thought my mom was crazy for letting me go through with it, but I’m glad she did. After that, I had a lot of female problems and got a hysterectomy at age 29. While in the operating room, the surgeon found varicose veins behind my uterus. If I had taken the chance and gotten pregnant, the pressure on those veins would have been too much. I probably wouldn’t have survived (Thank you Mayo Clinic!) . 

I always assumed I’d get married and either adopt kids or have them through a surrogate. When I was 28, I married a man who had 3 kids from his first marriage. Being a stepmom was challenging, and I was starting to have “baby fever” and wishing for one of my own. After my hysterectomy, I got depressed. Like, really depressed. I was turning 30, most of my friends were pregnant or had small kids, and I had just had a hysterectomy. I’m sad to say, I started taking it all out on my husband who definitely wondered what had happened to his normally happy and content wife. I finally went to my doctor and asked about antidepressants. She said that with the changes in my body and the circumstances, she didn’t feel the medicine was warranted. She explained that even women with 5 babies grieve after a hysterectomy because of the changes in your body. She also suggested (much to my husband’s dismay) that I get a dog or another pet so I had something to nurture. Being an animal lover, I was thrilled that a doctor told me I needed a pet! On Christmas morning, my dear husband surprised me with an adorable Shiba Inu puppy who has provided a lot of love and has been known to drive me crazy from time to time. 

We looked into adoption and I wanted try surrogacy, but my husband wasn’t as easily convinced. Plus, have you looked at the costs for that stuff? Wow- I’d have to give up shopping and eating if I wanted to save up that much $$! (Neither of those will be happening!) And, as my stepkids grew older, I found myself enjoying them at their respective ages and questioning whether I’d want to have a little kid again. I didn’t love the idea of diapers, car seats, and being woken up in the middle of the night to soothe a baby. 

I can’t pinpoint the exact date or time that I decided I wouldn’t be having children. I know it was sometime between my 34th and 35th birthday. Maybe it was when my oldest stepdaughter turned 18 and was getting ready to graduate and go to college. Maybe it was when we bought a Harley and I realized having a baby would mean we couldn’t go on trips as easily. Whatever it was, I had always assumed if I didn’t have children by age 35, it wouldn’t bother me as much because most of my friends would be done having babies. I figured as I got older, I’d feel more “ready” and be pushing toward adoption or surrogacy. But then I turned 34 and didn’t feel the urge as strongly as I’d felt before. I was happy with my life as it was and didn’t feel the need to change it. 

Do I ever feel sad about not having a kid of my own? Not as much as I thought I would. I have a pretty great life. I have 3 stepkids and I’m fortunate to be involved in their lives and even have a good relationship with my husband’s ex . I have an awesome husband who loves me like crazy and is always up for a spontaneous date night. People ask me all the time if we are going to have more kids or if I regret not having any. I really don’t. Once in awhile, I wonder about “what if?”. Sometimes when I hold a friend’s baby, I think it would be fun to have one to snuggle. Sometimes my dog wakes me up at 3:30 AM and I’m glad I don’t have a baby to wake me up! 

If you are reading this and you want to have kids, by all means, go for it! If you don’t want to have kids, then don’t. And if you’re not sure, that’s ok too! It’s a personal decision and it’s a bigger decision than some people make it out to be. But know this; having kids or not having kids doesn’t make you any less of a woman. I hate the idea that we have to procreate to earn our “woman card” or not to be looked down upon. (That’s a whole ‘nother blog post!) What matters is that you’re a good person and that you’re happy with your life- however you choose to live it.

~Kari

Thank you so much Kari for sharing your story!

I am so proud of you for opening up your life to us!